Battle Scars

Happy Monday, friends.

My heart is hurting so bad, I honestly had a hard time typing the word happy.

If you do not know, we lost my mother-in-law, Lequeeta, on June 14.  Read her full obituary here.

It happened so quickly, but her body just gave up after fighting stage 4 colon cancer for 20 months.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think Chris and I would be dealing with another loss of a parent so soon.

My heart is hurt.  And if I’m honest, I’m a little mad.

There were no warning signs of her passing away until the day before (Thursday).  Chris and I were gone on our 15 year anniversary trip to Michigan, but thank goodness we were able to get back in time to be by her bedside Thursday and Friday.

Chris and I have been overwhelmed with the kindness you all have shown us.  The calls, texts, food, flowers, and most importantly prayers are so appreciated.

Lequeeta’s visitation and service were both awesome tributes of her life.  She was a true servant of God and impacted over thousands of people for the Kingdom of God.

My heart was filled with pride listening to Chris talk at the funeral about his mom.  She would’ve been so proud of him.

I want to shout it from the rooftops I HATE CANCER!  It’s not fair.  It took her too soon from us.

I feel the past few days my spirit getting angry and questioning God.

Why didn’t God heal her cancer when she had so much faith that He would?

Why did she pass so quickly where we didn’t have that last chance to have a real conversation with her and let her know how much we loved her?

Why do all of these HORRIBLE things keep happening to me and my family?

Why, why, why?

I was praying and listening to worship music the other day in my room, and a song came on that really spoke to me.

I am not even sure who sings the song or what the title of the song is.

But it said, “It doesn’t matter who you are, this world will leave you some battle scars.”

How true is this statement?!?

With Lequeeta’s passing, this is just another battle scar that Chris and I have to endure.

Does it suck?  Yes, completely.

Do I wish death was never a thing?  Absolutely.

But in the Bible it tells us as Christians we are not going to be free from troubles.

I know many people that have similar battle scars in their life as I do.  Or some, that have endured even more horrible situations than I have.

In John 16:33 it says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Although God is interested in every detail of our lives, His ultimate plan is for us to spend eternity with Him. We cannot see the big puzzle or pieces in God’s will or eternity.

It’s not my “job” to understand everything that happens in my life.

Even though I question some things (and that’s okay to do), I know my hope is in Jesus.  I know I will have many more battle scars throughout my life.

But I also know, I will continue to live for God and tell of His Goodness to others.

I will praise Him in the good times and in the bad times.

I praise Him for giving Lequeeta 20 GREAT months after her original cancer diagnosis.  She only had 1 bad week after a chemo treatment, but usually chemo didn’t affect her negatively at all.

I praise Him that we were able to make some awesome memories with Lequeeta and James these last 20 months.  We went to Florida, the Smoky Mountains, and even a St. Louis Cardinals game together a few weeks ago.  These will always be special memories.

I praise Him that Lequeeta didn’t suffer long at all.  I know many cancer patients that have laid for months and suffered through pain and turmoil.  Lequeeta lived these 20 months to the fullest and I am grateful for that.

Maybe I am rambling today, maybe not. Maybe you are going through your own battle scar today and need prayer. I would love to pray for you!

Maybe you don’t know that your hope is in Jesus and you can’t seem to figure out how to overcome your battle scar. Please message me, I’d love to talk with you.

Thank you for letting me share my heart today. I was told earlier last week that I’m a very strong lady.

Believe me, I have had many cry fests and pity parties.

But I know my hope is in Jesus alone and that He’s faithful and good to me.

Please continue to lift us up in your prayers throughout the next few weeks.  Our world will never be the same without Lequeeta and we are all trying to find a new normal on how to live.

Being an only child, Chris and his mom were really close.  It hurts me so bad that I can’t take his pain away or do anything for him besides love him through this hard time.

My girls are crushed and so heartbroken.  They’ve endured so much heartache the last few years.

Nana was the one that watched them while they were babies. She always had a special bond with both girls.

We will miss you so much, Lequeeta, but will see you again one day soon in Heaven.

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27 thoughts on “Battle Scars

  1. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss, and yes, I hate cancer too. I didn’t realize Chris is an only child…that just makes it even harder to go through. I just read your sweet mother-in-law’s obituary. What an amazing, Godly woman she was. I’m praying for you and especially your girls.

    1. Jen and Chris my heart aches for you all. I have been through this cancer thing and it is bad. I lost my husband, Mom and brother in law all to cancer. It is hard but God has been with me all the way. They were all good Christian people which knowing where they are. We had six years that we struggled with cancer with my husband. My prayers are with you all. Let Brother James to just hold on to God because I know it seems like your world has been crushed but he can make it. Sending my love to you all.

  2. Jen! I am so very sorry to hear this. My heart hurts for you. Cancer stinks and I am so sorry it happened so quickly. Lifting you all up in prayer 🙂

  3. I was and am honored to have had the time around her as my Sister in Christ, Pastors wife and all around friend. She ask me to be the drummer for her P&W team and we had some great times in music moving so many hearts to the alters where the Holy Spirit took control. I guess one of the things that stands out in my mind is a private event between her, Chris and myself on many occasions. Chris on the bass and I at the drums before singing started would softly play a little jazz beat together, when we looked over at her that stare of “I’LL BEAT YOU BOTH WITH A BROOM STICK” was enough to end our jazz session immediately, until the next week anyhow. Loved her and all your family so my prayers for healing and comfort are still coming.

  4. I am so so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. I’ve thought about you so much the last couple of weeks. I can’t even imagine the heartbreak you and your family are going through. You are a strong lady Jen, and I have been praying for you all.

  6. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for the passing of Lequeeta. What a wonderful woman she is. It will take some time to reach some kind of normal again. Take it one day at a time. I lost my mom two years ago and she also passed suddenly. We try to prepare ourselves for things like this but there’s really no such way of preparing. Each day cherish each other , talk , be there for one another and have faith in God . My heart goes out to y’all. We are praying for y’all.

  7. I am so sorry to hear this Jen. Your family remains in my thoughts and prayers. I know nothing can heal the pain that you are feeling right now BUT know that your mother-in-law would have wanted you to keep living and to enjoy every moment on earth!

  8. Oh, baby girl, it is hard not to question God when your heart is hurting. Obviously, there are no good answers to why a loved one must suffer with cancer and lose their life to this hideous disease. I am so thankful you guys had 20 months after her diagnosis to make lots of wonderful memories together. May those memories warm your heart as it begins to heal.

  9. Your MIL sounds like she was the most amazing person! I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I had no idea Chris was an only child; that makes it so much harder! 🙁 Hugs and prayers for all of you, friend.

  10. I am so sorry for you and your family!! Cancer stinks, and it’s even worse when you lose someone due to it. I’m praying for y’all!! The song is by TobyMac, and it is called Scars. This song is really well written, and it talks about how the world is going to leave you with scars, but that doesn’t matter as long as your faith is in Him. Thank you so much for all you do, and God is going to move you in great ways!! Y’all are so inspiring, and I know that Lequeeta is looking down and smiling. You are an amazing person, and your family seems so sweet. I know it hurts to lose a family member, but just trust in God, and everything will be ok. God is moving in you through this tough time. I love reading your blog, and I hope you continue to post! I’m praying for y’all!!

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